A Letter to my Nan

So first of all my nan; a wonderful woman that she was passed away in November of 2015 quite suddenly. Definitely a shock to us all. I didn’t get the chance to speak with her before she fell ill; by the time I made it to the hospital in the early hours of Monday morning (9th November) my nan was laying in the ICU wired up to a million machines keeping all her organs functioning. Seeing her in that way really stuck with me; However I was able to play her favourite song in her ear while the nurses switched her machines off, watching a loved one take their last few breaths is one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life so far. I just wish I had told her how much she meant to me before she went. So this is what I’ve decided to do with this post; so if you don’t like mushy personal blog posts this one isn’t for you!

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Well Nannie,

It’s been 15 months since we last spoke. That day spent gossiping with each other while mam was having her ear test, little did I know that would the last day I had a chat with you. If I knew it was going to be the last, I think I would have said a lot more meaningful things to you like how much I appreciate the love and support you gave me throughout my life. You weren’t only my grandma but like my second mammy, I remember growing up my mammy out working to provide for both me and John while you and gramps looked after us both. Although you both did it out of love; the bonds that me and John had with you were unbreakable.
You taught me a lot, you know, like how windows still don’t go down if you shout at them, like how jumping onto the first train you see isn’t going to get you to your desired destination and even though you helped me grow into the person I am today the one thing that will always stick with me is that you did everything in your power to make us all happy; despite how ill you got nearer the end. You were and still are the most generous and loving nan I had in my life, I was so lucky to get to spend such precious moments with you. Remember the time you thought everyone forgot your birthday but ended up with a surprise birthday 3 course meal, the look on your face was a picture! Oh your funny wee ways were what made you who you were, thinking that you could use your phone normally after leaving Dublin Zoo but in actual fact you were still in Ireland. Trying to teach you how to text was like teaching a penguin to fly; merely impossible but we did give it a go didn’t we? There wasn’t a time went by when we didn’t get a laugh with something you had done or said; Mam is getting more and more like you every single day you would be so proud!
oh you wouldn’t believe me now you know the way you disliked me changing my hair all the time; well sorry nannie I’ve now ditched the green went to blonde and going purple soon (but you should know I’m growing my hair again like you said I should) hopefully you won’t be to mad at me up there. It’s definitely not been the same without you here; what about those wee ‘latdies’ you getting any up there? bet they aren’t as nice as the ones from Starbucks though? I miss those wee ‘latdies’ we used to get together sitting chatting like the right oldies we were you me and mam.
Oh guess what? I’m going to university nannie; I know you were routing for me going after my dreams well I’m now off in September to study IR and Politics, though I’m leaving home will be weird not having mammy in the same country as me, will you keep on looking out for her? Like I know you have been all this time. Everyone is getting along again, I know you would be so happy about that, gramps is missing you more and more every single day. We know you are still with us in spirit, keep messing with us with the candles! Yes we know its you nannie, just popping by to say hey! If there’s one thing I could do again, it would be to give you the biggest hug ever; I never got to thank you for the penguin teddy you bought me to help me feel better when I was sick just 2 days before your passing; now I wish I gave you one cause you were much more in need of that comfort than I ever was. But I guess that was just your nature caring and always worried about others more than yourself. A trait that was just who you were and we all love you for it. I did give that penguin a name; its called Ann (after your middle name, if your didn’t guess that already)  pretty good choice eh? You truly were a woman who loved to talk; calling me at 6am to let me know you was cooking a leg of chicken for breakfast just one of many random chats we had you remember that?; usually chatting at different times throughout the day. You always had something to say and I wish I could hear you speak to me again, I miss calling you, telling you stuff and helping with problems you had. What I’d give to hear your voice just once more.
The way you left this earth crushed us all; so unexpectedly, suddenly and totally way too soon, you were only 62! We had plans made for the future months ahead, I know you were so excited to meet Curtis after all I did ramble on about him to you, sorry nannie! Although you are gone I’ve noticed that you still exist in all of us; you’ve truly left your mark for the great, I said something the other day to mammy and she nearly freaked out because I sounded so like you I guess you can take Margaret out of the world but you can’t take her out of the family! I wrote this letter to you as a means of getting things off my chest; I felt like I didn’t get the chance to thank you for all that you have done for me, Tell you that I love you so much that I’m sorry I didn’t go up to the hospital sooner or notice that something was wrong sooner we passed if off as nothing too serious because of pass events until it was too late so I am sorry for that. I hope you are at peace now, free of the pain, stress and difficulties that arose in the last year of your life. Things are settling down now you’ll be glad to know! You were an incredible woman, everyone loved so dearly, you touched everyone’s lives who knew you. You may have been taken from us but you will be forever here, as a part of you lives on in each one of us. We got the pleasure to be apart of your family times may have past but the good memories and your spirit will last. I’ll never forget you nannie; or the times we had, Sleep tight and keep shining you star!

Love you forever! xx